It’s been a crazy, hard, chaotic month. I am sad that I haven’t been writing more, but coming home from a job that has been stealing ALL of my mental energy is not exactly motivating. Besides the fact that I could barely keep my eyes open past nine o’clock, and Roo went through two solid weeks of 18 month old sleep regression, mixed in with a few night terrors just for fun. Yeah…it’s been that kind of month.
So, my feelings about this j-o-b thing…it’s taken some processing. That comes in the form of over-thinking, over-analyzing, and second-guessing. I wasn’t even sure I should post anything about it because things are still so up in the air, and no one knows what will be happening at the end of this month. But then again, this is MY space, and I am not going to feel as if I can’t spill my guts about things that won’t leave my mind alone. Writing about anything else would feel fake right now, though Mike is so supportive and the boys are great (other than that freak sleep thing – hope that’s over for good!!)
There have been lay-offs, and my boss was one of them. Though she isn’t leaving until the end of the year, the rest of our team’s fate will be decided by October 28th. A colleague and I just spent the last four weeks conducting numerous training sessions for a new system and new business process that a lot of people don’t agree with or like…and of course, the messengers (us) always bear the brunt of the aggression (them). All of that happened while doing the rest of my normal job functions which already keep me busy on a normal day and…blah, blah, blah…so it goes. My head has been spinning.
I remember talking about careers and jobs in my philosophy class in college. Many people say that they don’t want their job to “define” them, but career is a big part of who we are. Since this is the case, I want that something, the thing I have to do 40 hours a week (sometimes more), the place where I spend more time than with my sweet family, to be productive, inspiring, and fulfilling.
Maybe this is an opportunity? The fate of my job has already been decided. It is out of my control – it is just a waiting game. There are days when I feel like I can see where the senior Directors might fit me, but the more days that go by, and the whispers among our team take place, and questions from others are asked…the more I have let doubt creep in. The fact is – no one knows. Any of us can go.
But here is what I do know.
I am smarter than my current job. I am educated. I am a creative, a thinker and a doer and I want much more of that to be my day-to-day. So, as I have been repeating to myself again and again…It is what it is. Whatever shall be shall be. I’ve been seeking new roads, and maybe there is a plan in all of this that is out if my hands, but good things will come.
In the meantime…I hope to be around this space a lot more. This is my refuge and if I could swing it – THIS would be my day-to-day. Maybe someday it will be!!! (Hello, DREAM JOB.) Props to the amazing bloggers that do it so well – photographers, crafters, foodies, fashionistas…you are all my hero’s and my inspiration (Casey Leigh, Annapolis & Co., Dear Baby blog, Under the Sycamore..to name only a few!). Reading these blogs on particularly hard days and nights has been encouraging and has driven me to keep up my own posts, I’ll make it happen as successfully as they do someday too….and that alone makes me feel better. So I will leave with a few October “heart swell” pictures…because this is after all, my happy place, and these are my happy peeps.
More to come … soon. XO.